Singleness
About
a third of adult Britain is single. Some
are young, some older. Some have never
married, while others are divorcees or bereaved. Some have chosen to be
single. Some are content. Others feel frustrated.
The
Bible’s word to singles (and marrieds!);
1.
It is God’s gift to you and others (as is marriage).
Unhelpfully
society can view being single as odd. There’s
nothing new in that. First century Rabbi
Eleazar said, “Any man who has no wife is no proper man.”
In
contrast Paul says singleness is a “gift” (1 Corinthians 7:7).
When
Paul speaks of singleness as a gift, he is not speaking of a particular ability
some people have to be contentedly single – i.e. a gift as something that
generates pleasant feelings. Rather, he’s speaking of the state of being single
– i.e. gifts as an opportunity made available to serve others, which is Paul’s
usual understanding of a gift. It is a gift from God, just as marriage is. Our situation in life, whether it is
singleness or marriage, is a gift of God to us and others. It does not mean we will always be happily
single (or happily married for that matter) but that God has gifted us with the
relational state we are in as an opportunity.
2.
It is good for you and others (as is being married).
In
1 Corinthians 7 we are told that single people avoid the “troubles” of
marriage. Paul means not just that
marriage is hard work but that even when marriage is steady there are burdens
and responsibilities associated with it. “I want to spare you this” Paul says (1
Corinthians 7:28).
There
are burdens marrieds are called to bear singles are free of. “An unmarried man is concerned about
the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned
about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests
are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).
A married person is called to care for
their spouse and children. There is time, energy, creativity, and money rightly
spent here that is not therefore available for witnessing to people, helping
out at church or in the community, mentoring a younger Christian or serving elderly
parents. Many activities in church life depend to a large extent on those who
are not married or perhaps have reached a stage in marriage free of child-care
responsibilities. For a particular few they consciously choose to stay single for
this reason. However, most single people don’t consciously chose singleness yet
the same advantages exist. In can be hard not to focus on the difficulties of
being single instead of making the most of the advantages singleness has.
3.
It is hard (as is marriage!).
“It
is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”
(Genesis 2:18) is the first hint that we are made for companionship. Though the
New Testament is positive about singleness, marriage is regarded as the norm –
as all society’s show. Single people are
therefore likely to struggle with loneliness and sexual temptation (as are
marrieds, but it can be heightened in singles). Some will seek to lessen them
by getting married – the Bible even commends this (1Corinthians 7).
Singles
need to be proactive. We aren’t designed to be on our own so should seek to
satisfy our need for intimacy in other, healthy relationships. That will mean
taking the initiative in keeping in close contact with friends and family. We
must be self-disciplined in “fleeing from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians
6:18). Singles need to be especially deliberate in developing healthy
friendships.
4.
It is never forever (as marriage is never forever either!)
Singleness
for many is just a period either before or after marriage. Others never marry. But
ultimately all Christians marry a perfect spouse – Jesus. Jesus as the
bridegroom will one day return to take his bride, the church as his wife. On that day all pain will disappear, including
the pain of a difficult marriage or singleness. “Let us rejoice and be glad and
give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself
ready” (Revelation 7:17; 19:7).
If
you are single:
Whatever
your experience of singleness, it is a gift from God. Make the most of it.
Proactively
make deep friendships.
Keep
your eyes fixed on Christ.
If
you are married:
Whatever
your experience of marriage, it is a gift from God. Make the most of it.
Make
space for everyone, including singles, in your family. There should be no lonely people in church. Invite single people into a genuine place in
your home and family.
Keep
your eyes fixed on Christ.
Singleness will always be a curse when you have no one to share your life with.
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