Over the last few weeks we have been working our way through the
questions asked at the Marriage Q&A on November 13th. Here’s the last five:
1. If your husband or
wife has an affair should you forgive them?
This is an extremely difficult reality and I would urge you, if this is
your situation to come and speak to me.
Marriage is built on forgiveness and change (what the Bible calls repentance). There is a constant, ongoing offering and these
two things in a maturing marriage. I
know many marriage that, with Jesus’ help and hardwork, recover from
adultery. It doesn’t automatically mean
the end of the marriage. Yet, at the
same time the Bible understands sometimes marriage become so corrupt or unsafe
or damaging they no longer can reflect the beauty of God (marriage’s main
design), and separating is appropriate.
Whatever the ultimate destiny of a marriage when adultery has happened,
the ability to forgive is very healing and restorative and something to seek
overtime. But it won’t happen
immediately or easily. Please come and
speak to me.
2. I’ve really found
the talk on being a wife and a women so inspiring. I want to be that strong, fearlessness
women. Can we have more teaching about
being women of God, and men of God too?
It is great to hear this. We tend
to work through books of the Bible in the order they are, trusting this puts
God’s agenda front and centre and cover the full range of arenas God wants us
to understand him and follow him in.
Having said that, yes I think you are right that understanding being
women or men of God would be important areas to explore. I’ll look into it.
3. As a mother with a
boy I found it really helpful to understand what a Christ-like man is like and
to avoid consumer or cowardly men. But
what sort of things can I do to help my son grow up to be that kind of man?
There are many answers to this.
Two spring straight to my mind (as a father of boys myself).
One is to find and give him people to imitate. He will naturally have heroes – put good
heroes before him. Men (dead ones
through biographies but especially living ones) who love Jesus and are
courageous for Jesus. Find boys or men
five years older and twenty years older and put your son into their circle of
influence. Paul writes ‘keep your eyes
on those who live up to Jesus’ (Philippians 3:16-17). Make these your son’s heroes over and above
consumer or cowardly celebrities or TV characters.
Secondly let me try. Tell him he
has strengths (whatever they are) and then let him be responsible for
something. Make it matter. Make it important. Make it risky. But be there to stop it all going wrong. But don’t bubble-wrap or pander or make it
safe. Risk is good. Real risk even better. Timothy was perhaps 14 when Paul took him into dangers way to plant churches (Acts 16:1-2).
4. As a (happily) single women I wasn’t going to
come this week (knowing it was going to be about married men!) but found it the
most inspiring service and spoke right into my life. And I just wanted to ask about what you said
about singleness being both a gift and a grief, and what kind of gift is
singleness?
I think Paul has particularly in mind the gift of not being responsible
for someone else and the worry and strain that can have. From talking to single people, the gifts of
singleness (which are lost when married and with children) include more money,
more time, more energy, more friends, more opportunities to serve than you
would have if you were marriage and/or had children.
5. What does it mean
for a husband to serve his wife? How are
husband’s meant to love their wives?
So in Ephesians 5 three times husbands are called to love their
wives. Each is a slightly different view
of the same sacrificial, action-oriented, selfless provision, protection and
care for your wife. Here’s the verses:
‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her…’ (25)
‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies.’ (28)
‘…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself…’ (33)
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